We realize that a modern man's life is not only about work and leisure, but also about family. That's why we decided to bring you a series of articles dedicated to family, relationships and, to a lesser extent, mental health . This is the third part of the series with neuropsychologist Robert Krause. You can read the first article about how to prepare for parenthood here , the second about the role of a father in the family here .
Parenthood brings with it many changes. Our needs, our partner's life take a back seat, and our whole world suddenly revolves around the child. It's natural, but even in this difficult period, we shouldn't forget about ourselves and our partner. We talked to Dr. Krause about how to combine work, family, and our hobbies into one balanced whole, why communication is important, and how to take care of our mental health.
"For some, strollering can be a relief, for others, strollering is the most favorite activity of all during the day. Therefore, it is important that the father is also an attentive listener and perceives the needs that the woman has, and at the same time, that the woman also takes into account the needs of her partner."
Find space for your own mental health, be a parent, but also a partner, and plan so that you can be flexible. "Children's behavior changes, their illnesses and moods change, not everything can always be planned. The role of a parent also carries with it an increased ability to adapt to changing conditions. It is crucial when planning time for yourself and time for the family to take into account events that, unfortunately, we cannot predict."
At certain times in a child's life (such as rebellion or puberty), it is natural for our opinions and thoughts to differ, the child has different needs and expectations than the parent. "It's not so much about agreeing, but about not letting those disagreements become the reason we can't function together. A healthy relationship is not about agreeing on everything, but letting disagreements not become an obstacle to spending time together. But that applies in general, not just in the parent-child relationship," says Krause. "It's important for both parties - the parent and the child - to realize that even if I disagree with someone or something, I can respect them."
"We men carry within us a certain form of performance addiction, there is also a mechanism of comparing ourselves with other men, prestige, role, status, and sometimes we chase other people's goals without being happy and grateful for what we have here and now. Because we often realize that we want something that we don't have. And when we have it, we want something else. In some situations, it's about comparing ourselves for a change, because more can always be achieved, but in the end, happiness is enjoying what we have here and now."
Balance in spending time – family, work, hobbies
Finding balance can be difficult at times, but try to think about it. If you are irritated (for example) at work, and you are shouting at your partner and child, there is no question of spending quality time with your family. Maybe if you allow yourself a few moments alone, go for a run, or otherwise release the accumulated stress, the moments with your family will be more pleasant. Of course, even a parent who is at home with the child needs their space for self-realization, to get out of the daily routine.
"It's all about communication between parents. It's crucial that the father creates space for the mother and the mother creates space for the father. The parent who is at home with the child should be more assertive, and the working parent should be more empathetic to the needs of their partner. Because we often see situations where the woman is at home with the children, the father works, and thus has more room to escape the stereotype than the woman herself. Many women then feel misunderstood, unaccepted, frustrated, which, of course, is also reflected in the relationship with their partner. It's important that the husband creates space for a full-fledged conversation, for closeness, and participates in the common household," explains Dr. Krause.
Open communication is the foundation
We have already outlined the importance of communication. But it is not only about talking, but also about listening. "Communication involves the ability to respectfully understand the needs of the other party. There are children who are more introverted and who listen more than they talk, or who do not need to maintain social contact as much, in which case our need to talk may exceed our child's need," explains the neuropsychologist.
Men and mental health
Mental health is an important topic that should be discussed. Just like physical health, we should also take care of our mental health, regardless of gender. Although each gender has its own specifics. "Men, believing that the more they do, the more they will have, sometimes drive themselves into a state of depression and anxiety. Therefore, if they do not take care of their mental health, they will not be a support and encouragement for their wife, and a role model for their child. It is crucial that we take care not only of what we wear, how we look, but also of what we carry inside, and that is the human brain, and our mental health," says Robert Krause and adds:
So how do you take care of your mental health?
"When we talk about mental health care, we mainly mean paying sufficient attention to our psychological experience, which constantly gives us feedback - sometimes we register it and sometimes we ignore it. However, sufficient physical movement, self-realization, or full-fledged conversation is a general mechanism in terms of preventing undesirable psychological phenomena," says the neuropsychologist. You can read the first article in collaboration with Dr. Krause on how to prepare for parenthood here , the second on the role of the father in the family here .
Robert Krause
Father, neuropsychologist and university teacher specializing in neuropsychological aspects of human behavior, as well as neuropsychological aspects of prenatal and postnatal development. He has a regular column on Radio Slovakia, Dr. Krause – Mysteries of the Mind. He is an expert guarantor of the online television series Get to Know the Mind with Dr. Krause. He is also an expert guarantor of the children's television series Jojo, are you serious? In 2022, he published two books about the children's brain – Children's Brain: Newborn and Children's Brain: Toddler.
